Hello All. 

This is for real this time, this has no strings left to pull. I'm still not entirely sure which of you are effected, I know a few based off of context clues, but nothing was breached in moderation. I helped build this server, I was very proud of what my friends and I built and I put my everything into helping where I could. The website I stressed out about for two weeks while I was away with family, because I couldn't fix issues right before launch. The build I tried multiple times to do before we ended with the Sanctuary that is on the server now. I was excited to show it to players because I was very proud of what we finally got laid out for all of you. I was excited that my friends and I had gotten the server up and so many players were enjoying it. 

None of that excuses my actions. To be entirely up front about this, most of this was done while sleep deprived, stressed about my grandmother was in the hospital after having a heart attack and while I was having mental break down because I was to tired and stressed and dealing with the build. Again it doesn't excuse any of my actions, but it needs to be said. I use jokes as a way to cope with some of my feels, I enjoy making people laugh. No meme or joke I said was ever meant to cause anyone harm or upset them, but I was never let know of this issue until it was said to the higher up staff. No one can fix their behavior when they don't know someone is upset. Someone could have just dm'd me and asked me to stop, and I would have, I'm still sorry it hurt someone's feelings.

I want to see this server succeed, The original team, and those that joined later, put so much time into the project because we were all excited to play with friends and meet new people in the community, myself included. I'm a little rough around the edges, I acknowledge that with all my being, but I'm human and I can have a reasonable conversation. I deeply regret my actions, but they were not made to harm or upset anyone, that is never my goal and will never be my goal. I get upset just like everyone else, so I joke and meme just to get that feeling away, I don't enjoy holding it in. I don't enjoy finally getting some sleep to realize everything is once again burning, but now I have to sleep in the bed I've made. 

Again I apologize to all of those I've hurt, I can't do anything to change it now but I will do better in the future and I ask if there is any problem a conversation is at least had. I don't like hurting people, I just like to make people laugh.

Apologies,
Mara | The_Reaper_Angel

In addendum, if any one in my time on the server was made to feel uncomfortable you are more than welcome to reach out on discord and I would like to have a discussion to apologize to those affected directly. I don't know exactly who you are, I was never told, and I don't know exactly what I did because I was also never told of what that was. 

That being said I would like to have a conversation if you are willing so I can give a personal apology.

Discord: maramara

Hi there Mara. First off, thank you for the apology that was not AI generated this time. We really appreciate something that's actually written from the heart and not by a cold lifeless unfeeling machine. I can only hope that the people you have effected with your actions accept your apology.

I've been pretty off to the side during this whole fiasco(as I'm not a moderator), however I've kept my eye on how everything has devolved. Now, however, since you've brought it to the forums, you've entered my realm. Purely for the purposes of upholding transparency, as a TL, I have seen all the logs and discussions about your case. It is for that reason, in the interest of the community and telling the truth, that I call you out now.

It is a blatant lie to say that you were not told exactly what you did. You made many derogatory comments about groups on the server, whether that came in the shape of insulting their style of RP, their character, or the actions they chose to take IC. That has been made clear to you multiple times. The reason you were not given specific instances, is purely to protect the privacy of those who reported you anonymously. If you lack the ability to look back at your actions and see where you might've been a bit brash(the nicest way I can put it), then perhaps you have no place here on Sonder.

Though for me personally, the most egregious thing you have done is laugh in the faces of one of the Owners and our Mod TL about how your apology was AI generated and how insincere it truly was. That to me shows your character and how much you actually care about being apart of this community. Because, quite frankly, if you did care at all you would accept that you fucked up and take the slap on the wrist that was first offered to you. Even if you didn't agree with it, even if you thought you did nothing wrong, all you had to do was sincerely apologize. But you couldn't even do that. 

Furthermore, if you actually cared about apologizing now you wouldn't try to make excuses about why it happened in the first place. While I'm sorry you're stressed and your grandmother is sick, that has nothing to do with you apologizing for being rude and discriminatory. To me, those are deflections and a way to excuse yourself from what you said about others. If you were having to make jokes at the expense of others to 'cope' then perhaps you should have removed yourself from online activity until you were in a better place mentally. None of which is an excuse to meme or belittle others.

After this I will be locking this thread. You have dug yourself a deeper and deeper hole, however I do hope to see you back in three months time. Hopefully you will have reflected upon your actions and come back into this community with a more level head and a kinder heart.

-Nem